Oh the Holidays....

This is my favorite time of year... always has been... lights, trees, pretty packages and stockings...


This year will be different for us...


But I vow to make it a good holiday for her...


We can do this... we've survived thus far...


But I know it is coming... the sadness... the tears...


And at the same time I know that she knows that it's better this way...


My Christmas wish this year... peace, joy and happiness for the darling angel girl...

It's My Choice...

not to regret... 
any of the choices I have made...

everything I do is a choice... 
and each choice in succession 
has brought me to where I am today...

In hindsight...
some choices may not have worked out 
to be the best choices made... 
but at the time... 
they were the right choice...

And other choices... 
definitely work out 
to be the best choices made...

So I decide in advance 
that I won't regret my decisions... 
I weigh my options... 
I make the best decisions for me... 
and I will have no regrets...

Breaking Chains that Bind...

...imaginary...

We all have them... 
I have them... 
and I wonder... 
if those chains are broken...
will I become human again?

One link at a time... 
a little bit of liberation... 
step by step... 
a reconnection to feelings and emotions 
that have been hidden away...

And I want to break them... 
And I want you to help me break them...

Temptation...

...ever want something so bad?

Pick something... anything... cheesecake?  new shoes?  a new car?  a fancy dress?  and for whatever reason, you believe you can't or shouldn't?  

Why does it always seem like a temptation, whatever it is, is a negative thing?  We spend our lives being told to "resist temptation"... is it harder to resist?  or harder to give in?


Isn't resisting just a cop-out because we're too weak to allow ourselves the pleasure?  Wouldn't giving in prove your strength in knowing yourself and knowing what you want, and knowing what makes you happy?

...just a thought...

Kinda...Sorta...Done...

Divorce by default... seemed it went too easy today... but I guess if the other party doesn't show up... 

Mind you, this is good for me...  but I am still curious...  why hasn't he shown up for the last three court dates?  Why hasn't he taken visitation with his daughter since September?  Visitation goes back into effect with this divorce...  will he take it?  Or will she be heartbroken, again?

There's still the 30-day contest period... wonder if he'll file anything?  Or maybe he'll just stay "disappeared"... 

Some relief today...  thankfulness...  and yet, I am anticipating an ugly backlash...  hoping I am wrong...